I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize