Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
