I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
