Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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