Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
