you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
