Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
