i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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