in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
