Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
