I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
