At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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