Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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