so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
