I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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