i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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