My sheets look like a crime scene.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
