it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
