Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
