Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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