yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
