i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
