i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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