I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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