He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
