i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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