i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
