its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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