I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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