your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
