Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
