I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
