maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
