We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think your dad took our porno
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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