I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
