I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love having hate sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
