a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
