Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
