My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
