i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This house was built for laser tag.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize