I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
