Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
