If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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