the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
