that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
