Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
