The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
