Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
