Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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