This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
