allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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