happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
