toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
