I look better un-naked...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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