Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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