hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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