After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
