my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
