I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
