I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
