So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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