If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
