I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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