so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
