My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
