All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
