we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize