Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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