well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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