hell yes lets make some ravioli
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
