naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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