Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
