so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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