We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
