I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
