I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
