Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
