Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
