i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
