You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was born a porn star she said
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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