i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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