At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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