If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
